Leeks and baby marrow soup

Autumn flavours are paired together beautifully with these leeks and baby marrows in this velvety textured soup. It’s a cooler day today and Autumn is finding her way into my garden and home. We had some much needed rain to fill our water tanks and I took the opportunity to fertilise my garden as well.

I had such a wonderful catchup visit with our daughter, Sarah who took time off work to be with us over part of the Easter Weekend. It was a long awaited visit and much needed time to talk and share where we both are at the moment. I am a sensitive soul and I felt I was disconnected from my child who happens to now be a very confident and grown up adult. She is teaching me so much and I am willing to learn some hard truths about myself in the process. Her time spent with me was deeply personal and nurturing.

I am experiencing an insecurity and vulnerability that I have been feeling for a little while now. It has shown up in the oddest of places and moments where I have been unable to catch myself from behaving badly, definitely unbecoming of a 55 year old. I poured out my heart to my child who sat listening and offering quiet encouragement as I waded through what has been weighing so heavily on my heart. It’s all very well for someone to tell you to behave, but in moments where anger kidnaps your brain, it is very difficult to return to reasonable behaviour. I couldn’t stop myself from being triggered and exploding at the same time. “You need tools, Mommy!”

I do indeed need tools and to reframe my thinking. I have been stuck in a loop of insecurity about my relationship with my darling Sarah since shortly before she was to be married. I felt I was losing her and she would no longer need me. I felt I had been usurped by her new circumstances, cast aside and abandoned. It is difficult to be a Mom. I think back to my time when I left home to be married. We went on honeymoon for 7 weeks and not once did I call home. My Mom never said a word. I only found out years later how she worried about me in a different country on another continent. We didn’t have mobile phones in 1991. I was so self obsessed I didn’t stop to wonder about my Mom. How can I expect Sarah to wonder. She is building her dream life with her amazing husband, Darryn. They are busy trying to live and thrive being apart from each other while Darryn travels for work in another country, on another continent. They are happy.

I am HAPPY. With moments like these, where our thoughts are less than healthy, it is important to be honest. Allow yourself to express how you are feeling. It’s okay to feel YOUR feelings. It is unhealthy to keep them on a loop of negativity. Ask yourself, WHY, HOW, WHO, WHAT, WHEN, WHERE these feelings bubble up to slap you in the face. Being honest is not easy. We will pretend, we will ignore, we will deny that they exist. True progress with moving through the nasty feelings is admitting they are there in the first place. Be gentle with yourself, like a best friend would be with you.

I am sure I now know why I felt the way I do, I know where it stems from. I had an epiphany in the moment I told Sarah what I was most afraid of. There are no guarantees in this life. Following the same trajectory would only push Sarah away from me even more. It is difficult to be a human. We have to feel, be vulnerable and exposed. We are informed and shaped from the moment we arrive on earth, influenced by so many variables. We subconsciously absorb the good and the bad that shape the human beings we become. We use thorny, spiky behaviour to protect ourselves from nasty circumstances and less desirable people.

It’s time for love and self-care. It’s time to heal old, layered wounds from too long ago.

“Heal the world, make it a better place, for you and for me and the entire human race.

Michael jackon

Leeks and baby marrow soup

Ingredients

• 3-4 Tbls avocado oil
• 1 large onion diced
• 3 garlic cloves chopped
• 4 leeks thinly sliced
• 350 g baby marrow sliced
• 2 potatoes diced
• 1 anchovy fillet optional
• 100 g artichokes
• 2 tsp hot English mustard

Instructions

• In a large pan add the avocado oil and on a medium high heat the onions.
  3-4 Tbls avocado oil, 1 large onion
• Stir 3 to 5 minutes until translucent
• Add the garlic and stir for a minute, then add the leeks
  3 garlic cloves, 4 leeks thinly sliced
• Continue to stir for about 3 to 5 minutes, ensuring the leeks are soft and transparent. Do not brown leeks as they become bitter when browned.
• Add the baby marrows, potatoes, anchovy fillet, and the artichokes, if using. Add the English mustard and a teaspoon of salt with a few cracks of black pepper
  350 g baby marrow sliced, 2 potatoes diced, 1 anchovy fillet optional, 2 tsp hot English mustard, 100 g artichokes
• Cover with water, about 1 litre and gently simmer for 35 to 40 minute. Ensure the potatoes are soft.
• Use a stick blender to purée the soup
• Check seasoning, add more salt and pepper if necessary. If the soup is too thick, you can thin it down with milk or water to your desired consistency. For more luxurious creamy texture add 250 ml of cream or coconut milk.
• Garnish with sliced baby marrow, avocado oil and parsley butter. Chopped hazelnuts are also a treat. Serve with baked puff pastry hats for a dinner party.